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13 Ways Narcissists Try to Manipulate and Control You: Be Extremely Careful of No. 4

There are a lot of people in this world that you can describe as “toxic”.
People like psychopaths and malignant narcissists may sometimes act like normal people in the beginning until they form relationships with other people. Relationships can be formed with family members, friends and intimate partners.
There are a lot of tactics that are used by these highly manipulative people to appear that they are always right.
They are usually narcissistic in nature and they do not want to take the responsibility of being wrong. Toxic people will make use of the diversion tactics that will be mentioned below in order to victimize you.
Spare yourself the trouble and distance yourself from toxic people once you see these manipulative tactics used.
1. Engaging In Nonsensical Conversations
You may want to talk to someone whom you consider to be “toxic”, in order to improve your relationship but you will not get this.
Instead, you are going to have conversations that you barely understand.
Even if you are trying to get into the root of the problem, you will be targeted for all the things that you do not agree with. If you do not know any better, you will suddenly feel like you are the lowest human being on earth just because of believing in the things that you do.
Remember that toxic people will make you feel this way because they believe that you are the problem, if they do not agree with you. You will only become more confused and frustrated. In the end, you may not even remember what you are fighting about.
When you feel down because of the conversation that you have had with a toxic person, remember that it is not you that they are arguing with. They are trying to argue with themselves because in reality, they would love the drama.
Remember that it is not you who is the problem no matter what they say. It is their attitude that should be changed if they would will themselves to do so.
2. They Make Generalizations
You can tell if a person is intellectual, based on the things that the person listens to when you are having a conversation with them. The more details that a person is able to get based on what you say, the more they listen to you.
Psychopaths and narcissists on the other hand will not listen to you once they realize that they do not agree with you.
A lot of people would rather listen to what you have to say and understand your perspective but psychopaths will shut you off. For example, if a psychopath has sexually assaulted you and was caught, the person will try to make sure that you become confused with the actual events that have occurred.
They may even say that you have entertained them even though you know that this is not true.
Even if you have a relationship with a toxic person, there are always generalizations about your relationship. When you complain about something petty, it will be generalized that you are always unhappy with the relationship.
Of course, if you try to explain your side, you will not get far because the toxic person will not listen.
3. Projection
One sure sign of a person being toxic is by resorting to projection whenever they feel that there are things they are not good at or cannot do. Be reminded that all people resort to projection from time to time but toxic people will engage in this more than others.
For example, if a toxic person knows that he is a cheater, he will do his best to make sure that you will be accused of cheating instead.
You can expect that narcissists will not do anything to make you feel good.
In fact, they will never acknowledge that they have flaws. If you point out that there is something wrong with them, they will project what they know is bad about them to you.
This way, they do not have to admit that there is something wrong with them. Their main goal is to make you feel ashamed about what you have pointed out. You are supposed to feel that your accusations are baseless and false.
For example, a toxic person who has no time for their family might say that their whole family relies on them too much and is too clingy even though everything is normal.
Toxic people do not want to lose.
They will try to blame everything on someone else even if they know that they are the ones to blame. The solution to this is to make sure that you will not be the person that will be the victim of projection.
Do this for yourself.
You cannot take care of another person’s ego especially when you can let go of the person who is causing you to feel bad about yourself.
4. Gaslighting
If there is a manipulative way that toxic people always use, this is the one that you will most often experience from them. They will try to make you think that what you have seen is not true.
You may feel that your sense of reality is being challenged.
You will begin to doubt if what you have experienced is actually true or is just a product of your imagination.
There is a possibility that if you are vulnerable, you are going to feel the need to believe what the toxic person is telling you so that you will not feel confused anymore. You cannot feel but become confused with whether you are going to believe what you have experienced or you will just accept what the person is telling you in other words, your reality will be distorted.
In order to avoid believing this tactic by any toxic person that you will encounter, it is always best that you write down all of the things that you have experienced.
Try your best to recall all of the things you have encountered. You can also tell the story to a trusted friend without having to add or subtract any details. Just tell the story the way that you remember it. If the toxic person tries to distort the way that you remember events, then you know what you truly experienced.
5. Your Point Will Be Turned Into Hideous Thoughts That You Never Expressed
You might mean something that is so simple but it will be changed into something that is so different from what you have initially wanted to say.
For example, if you complain to your loved one who is actually a toxic person that the person does not have time for you anymore, the whole thing will become a full blown fight. You can expect that all of your character flaws will be brought up until you just feel bad about yourself in general.
If you would continue to argue with a psychopath or just someone who is toxic, you will begin to feel that what you are fighting for is absurd even if you know that you just pointed out something simple. There is a possibility that you will be told what to say.
The person might say that you feel like you are a saint.
It will come to a point when you will question if you are truly as bad as the person makes you out to be.
A lot of people who are narcissistic usually feel that they know exactly what you are thinking because they believe in themselves too much. They will usually have their own conclusions about what you are trying to say even if you know that your point is valid.
They will accuse you of saying things that you have not done yet.
You are only trying to point out a fault in their behavior but it will turn to a full blown fight.
6. They Will Start To Call You Names
A lot of toxic people have the belief that what they believe in is the right thing. If someone else tells them otherwise, they will not hesitate to break down what the person believes in. They usually start to feel rage that is uncalled for just because their belief is questioned.
Do remember that toxic people only resort to calling you names when even after all the tactics that they have done, they were not able to sway you. They know that they cannot manage what you are feeling anymore. They cannot change your belief about the things that you are fighting about.
In an effort to unnerve you, they will call you names that are truly degrading. You can expect that the way you look will be criticized and ridiculed. Even your intelligence will be targeted so that you will feel so bad that you are too incapacitated to defend yourself.
Even if you know that the things you believe in have actual basis, your knowledge about the topic will be ridiculed. The toxic person will think that the effort you have spent on acquiring the knowledge is nonsensical. The best thing to do about this is to not let the name calling get to you. They will only do this when they are already frustrated.
7. They Will Stalk And Badmouth About You To Other People
You can expect that if the person would be unable to make you feel bad about yourself, the person will bad mouth you to other people.
For example, if the toxic person is your ex, then you will be badmouthed to the people that you know.
Other people may be told that you have cheated on your ex – partner even if you did not. They may say that you have hurt them in so many ways even if it is the other way around. They would try to manipulate other people so you will feel left out.
You can expect that if you are very active in one organization, you will be badmouthed to other people in the group until you feel a bit uneasy whenever you attend the organization. If the smear campaign becomes too bad, you may find yourself withdrawing from the organization just because you feel bad every time you go there.
At the same time, all of your actions will be stalked by the toxic person. The person will know what you are doing and may even check where you are going. It will be normal to see the person around from time to time though he/she would claim that everything is just a coincidence.
They may even try to abuse you and record your reactions. This will be their “proof” to prove to other people that they are victimized by you. If you are going through this type of tactic, then you know that this is going to be a bit complicated. Once again, make use of a notebook wherein you can list down all of the facts the way that you know and understand them. If you are harassed then record it too.
You should also show that you are the real victim.
8. They Tell You That They Are Nice
The toxic people that you will meet in this world do not have to be necessarily close to you. There are some that you will meet randomly in events. It should come as a warning when a person tells you that he/she is nice. A lot of truly nice people will not make the effort to shout out to the world that they are genuinely nice. Rather, it will begin to show through their actions and efforts.
Those who are toxic on the other hand will always say that they are compassionate and they are sympathetic especially if you are feeling vulnerable. Once you begin to trust them however, that is the time when they would begin to show their true selves.
Take note that there will be times when you would begin to see their true selves even during the phase when they are trying their best to seem good all the time. The moments may be rare but once you see some signs, it is best to not deepen your friendship or relationship with the person, it may turn problematic in the end.
You should always try to analyze why the person is trying to show you his/her good side while trying to hide the bad side all the time. There may be a motive behind it. You do not want to be deep in the relationship before you realize it because whether the person is a friend or a loved one, you will find it hard to break free.
9. They Will Play With Your Feelings And Then Try To Tear You Down
A lot of toxic people will make the effort to get to know your insecurities first. They will let you feel like they understand and believe in everything that you say. They may even show you that they are making an effort to understand your point of view but take note that this is only in the beginning. The more that you get to know them, the more toxic they are going to be.
They would try to get you into an argument by stating something that may seem neutral or something that they know you will not necessarily agree with. What would start out to be something simple will eventually become a full blown session to expose all of your insecurities. Before you even realize it, you are already provoked. Then they would try to cover up their intentions by telling you that they did not mean to offend you. It will make you become confused if you imagined the whole scenario or not.
In order to avoid this situation, it is best that you are aware if the person is trying to provoke you or not. The more that you react to the provocation, the more that you will be harmed emotionally. If you already feel that a comment is meant to put you down although it is stated politely then brush it off and go away from the person. You do not deserve to be treated that way.
10. Malicious Remarks Will Be Stated As A Joke
There may be some toxic people you meet who will try to put you down but in a form of a joke so that they can get away with it more. If you would react negatively, you will be told that you do not have any sense of humor and you should try to appreciate the joke more.
Jokes are meant to be funny but if you are not laughing then you may already be subjected to verbal abuse by a toxic person.
The toxic person is being cruel to you and you have the right to react negatively because you are being insulted. You should stand up for what you believe in. If you got offended then say so. If you would try to laugh it off even though you are already hurting inside, you will become the object of more malicious comments in the long run.
Do remember that depending on the toxic person, the person may seethe inside or back down or you may be told that you are only imaginings things and there is nothing malicious about what the person has “joked” about.
Continue to stand up for your beliefs so that it will not happen again.
11. You Will Be Shamed By Toxic People
If there is one thing that you can expect toxic people to do, it is to shame you in front of other people especially if they cannot control the way that you think. They know that you have power in believing in yourself and they will do their best to stop this.
For example, if you are proud of an achievement that you have recently experienced, the toxic person who may feel jealous or would simply like to put you down will try to downplay the huge achievement you have received often in the company of other people who may be prompted to laugh at you.
Do remember that toxic people will look into the things that irk you.
For example, if you have always felt that you were never put first, then this wound will be broken open by the psychopath. The person will make you feel like you deserve to be never put first. If you are concerned about your weight, you will be told that you are too fat even if you have lost 15 lbs.
You know that toxic people do not aim to heal the wounds that you have experienced all your life. They would struggle to open up those wounds even if they are already closed just to make you feel that you are not worthy to breathe the same air as them.
In order to avoid having this problem, avoid opening up to all the people that you meet. You may never know if the person is a psychopath who will use all of the things you have said to make you feel bad.
12. They Will Make You Believe That All Things You Are Good In, Are Your Negatives
All toxic people would like to make you believe that you are not better than them in all ways. They will get to know your strengths and will make you feel that your strengths are bad for you. If there are some achievements that you have gotten because of the things that you love, the person will try to change the memories that you have into bad ones.
This will allow you to feel frustrated and you will lose control of your emotions. You may begin to feel that you do not know what you want anymore.
This type of tactic does not happen overnight. It can be done over time so that you will be conditioned to think negatively whenever your positive traits and skills are discussed or talked about. In the process, you will become dependent on the toxic people.
They would love to feel that you cannot live without them and they will hate you if you try to break free.
Remember that a toxic person will do his/her best to condition you to live just to please them. This means that they should follow what you think is best for them. They will make you believe that your main goal in life is to make them happy while you let go of your unhappiness.
The toxic person would like to become the center of your life wherein he/she would decide if you would be happy or not.
Normally, it will be hard for you to accept that you have to eventually leave them but if you have any little bit of self respect, you will do it. You need to take control of your life again without any toxic person telling you otherwise.
13. They Would Like To Take Control Of Your Life
As much as possible, you would be under the control of a highly toxic person. They will try to keep you inside your home if you live together and will do his/her best so that you cannot see other people. The person would like you to be like a prisoner and to depend on him/her for all of your needs.
Even if you have financial income, the person may take control of your finances so you are barely getting enough. Mainly, this may be done by toxic people so you will not have enough funds to leave them someday.
Since they would like to control you, you may expect that there are certain situations wherein you would feel a bit confused about everything. There are situations created by toxic people so that you will feel that you need them more. There may be some disagreements that are not supposed to become big and serious but they happen anyway.
In order to take control of you, they would do their best to show you their good side first. Once they know that they already have you, that is the time when they will try to control all of your actions and ambitions. It may even come to a point when you will not have any ambitions anymore. It will come to a point when you will lose yourself. You will also become confused about who they truly are.
Note: The key here is to know your emotions well and take control of your life. No one has the power to lord over you no matter what the status or title of that person is in your life. You should be the only one who will decide what you have to do.
It will be hard in the beginning to break free from toxic people but recognizing that you are in the clutches of someone who is toxic will be enough to help you think of a plan to break free.
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